Posts Tagged ‘humor’

ECMAScript 5 “strict mode” Alternatives

Monday, April 1st, 2013

ES5 offers a way to opt in to a restricted variant of JavaScript by adding strict mode to the top of a page or function. It can be used to access all of the language’s latest features, and have them work with full performance in modern browsers.

However, strict mode is what it sounds like — strict. It can be difficult to learn the new variants and rules. Fortunately ES5 offers other modes that can be used that are more accessible to average coder.

stern mode

Very similar to strict mode. It runs bad code, but tells you all the ways you screwed up and threatens that it won’t run the code next time.

permissive mode

Pretty much let’s you do whatever you want. It’s not happy when you use `with` or `eval`, but doesn’t do anything about it. It will occasionally throw errors, but they are unpredictable and passive aggressive. `switch` and `break` have been removed for being too confrontational and replaced with `praise` and `accept`.

A new exception is introduced for this mode: Fit(). When the feeling is the code is given too much lenience, it’s best to:

throw Fit();

coddle mode

Writes your code for you while you eat snacks.

This mode also includes new exceptions. Up() can be used if the code is taken to extreme. There is a special Party() exception which also returns a special promise. That way you can chain exceptions:

throw Party().then( throw Up(); )

While these new modes are helpful, the TC39 committee realizes they are still to restrictive to be useful is some cases. For ES6, the plan is to release subsections of each from which you can pick and choose. It will be called…

Wait for it…

ala mode

The Top 1,000,000 jQuery Plugins

Monday, April 1st, 2013

You can now stop wasting your time with measly lists that brag on showing the top 10, 20, or 50 jQuery plugins. Club AJAX brings you the ultimate list to end all lists: The Top 1,000,000 jQuery Plugins.

These are not your run of mill, average plugins. These are the best of the very best. the cream of the crop, the cream of mushroom, the cream of tartar. We don’t have time for mediocrity so they are stricken. Dead to us.

  1. Image Carousel – Converts a series of pictures into a a 3D spinning carousel.
  2. Carouselify – Carouselify your images!
  3. Carouselifyer – A plugin that carouselifies your images
  4. Carousel Carouselifyer – Carouselifies carousels, so that while images are spinning in carousels, the carousels are spinning around each other. A very eye catching effect!
  5. makeAwesome – A plugin that adds awesome things to your page. Images will zoom in and out and open in modal dialog boxes, lists will animate into place, inputs will be really huge, and buttons will of course…. blink.
  6. makeAwesomer – The successor to the weaker, much less awesome makeAwesome, is makeAwesomer, which includes features lacking from makeAwesome, like creating awesome carousels.
  7. makeUsable – A plugin that adds usability to your website. It will automatically generate widgets that can handle your 10 megabytes of XML data. One of its key modifiers is removing power-sucking, eyeball-bleeding, user-confusing carousels from the page. It has the added benefit of removing zooming images and blinking buttons.
  8. marginalizer – All developers are looking for ways they can be marginalized. This plugin makes it easy!
  9. Poopin’ Unicorns – Finally, a way to quickly and easily add unicorn Easter eggs to your webpage. Note: Voted Best jQuery Plugin of 2004!
  10. Make It Pretty for Me – Go ahead and write crappy code, do your layouts in nested tables within nested tables, position elements with non-breaking spaces, and generate code with dynamic IDs and no class names – no problem! Just install this plugin and it will style everything perfectly, just as you had it in your mind when you were generating your HTML in Eclipse. No need for a whiny designer.

To see the remaining plugins, click the link below!

Link to the remaining 999,999,990 plugins

Dev vs Dev! Java has a Library That Will do That

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

What does a conversation between a new front end developer and a back end developer sound like? Using XtraNormal, I’ve created a video based on past experience. While this focuses on a Java developer, it is a compilation from ASP and PHP guys as well. If you’re a back end developer you should still see the humor in this. And if you don’t — then you resemble that remark!

If you’ve never seen an XtraNormal video, they don’t move a lot (my wife asked if they were going to fight). They are animated characters having a conversation. I think the humor comes out of the lack of emotion due to the computer generated voices.
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10 Ways to Communicate Badly with Developers

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Are you a boss, owner, client, or colleague who really wants to waste a major portion of my development work day, break down the team concept, bring productivity to a complete halt, or just piss me off — but you’re having difficulties finding exactly how to go about it? To assist you in being more inefficient, here are the top ten ways in which you can communicate badly. (more…)