Archive for the ‘humor’ Category
I’m not against recruiters. The job I have now is through a recruiter. I’ve made money recommending people. I’ve worked a with a couple of them over several years. But I get several unsolicited emails a week from recruiters with ridiculous job offers. I decided to author a canned response that was up to par with their salesmanship.
strict mode to the top of a page or function. It can be used to access all of the language’s latest features, and have them work with full performance in modern browsers.
strict mode is what it sounds like — strict. It can be difficult to learn the new variants and rules. Fortunately ES5 offers other modes that can be used that are more accessible to average coder.
Very similar to strict mode. It runs bad code, but tells you all the ways you screwed up and threatens that it won’t run the code next time.
Pretty much let’s you do whatever you want. It’s not happy when you use
`eval`, but doesn’t do anything about it. It will occasionally throw errors, but they are unpredictable and passive aggressive.
`break` have been removed for being too confrontational and replaced with
A new exception is introduced for this mode:
Fit(). When the feeling is the code is given too much lenience, it’s best to:
Writes your code for you while you eat snacks.
This mode also includes new exceptions.
Up() can be used if the code is taken to extreme. There is a special
Party() exception which also returns a special promise. That way you can chain exceptions:
throw Party().then( throw Up(); )
While these new modes are helpful, the TC39 committee realizes they are still to restrictive to be useful is some cases. For ES6, the plan is to release subsections of each from which you can pick and choose. It will be called…
Wait for it…
You can now stop wasting your time with measly lists that brag on showing the top 10, 20, or 50 jQuery plugins. Club AJAX brings you the ultimate list to end all lists: The Top 1,000,000 jQuery Plugins.
These are not your run of mill, average plugins. These are the best of the very best. the cream of the crop, the cream of mushroom, the cream of tartar. We don’t have time for mediocrity so they are stricken. Dead to us.
- Image Carousel – Converts a series of pictures into a a 3D spinning carousel.
- Carouselify – Carouselify your images!
- Carouselifyer – A plugin that carouselifies your images
- Carousel Carouselifyer – Carouselifies carousels, so that while images are spinning in carousels, the carousels are spinning around each other. A very eye catching effect!
- makeAwesome – A plugin that adds awesome things to your page. Images will zoom in and out and open in modal dialog boxes, lists will animate into place, inputs will be really huge, and buttons will of course…. blink.
- makeAwesomer – The successor to the weaker, much less awesome makeAwesome, is makeAwesomer, which includes features lacking from makeAwesome, like creating awesome carousels.
- makeUsable – A plugin that adds usability to your website. It will automatically generate widgets that can handle your 10 megabytes of XML data. One of its key modifiers is removing power-sucking, eyeball-bleeding, user-confusing carousels from the page. It has the added benefit of removing zooming images and blinking buttons.
- marginalizer – All developers are looking for ways they can be marginalized. This plugin makes it easy!
- Poopin’ Unicorns – Finally, a way to quickly and easily add unicorn Easter eggs to your webpage. Note: Voted Best jQuery Plugin of 2004!
- Make It Pretty for Me – Go ahead and write crappy code, do your layouts in nested tables within nested tables, position elements with non-breaking spaces, and generate code with dynamic IDs and no class names – no problem! Just install this plugin and it will style everything perfectly, just as you had it in your mind when you were generating your HTML in Eclipse. No need for a whiny designer.
To see the remaining plugins, click the link below!
However, PayPal’s decision to hire Mr. Crockford was not an easy one. He went through a grueling interview process. Club AJAX has managed to get ahold of the transcript of that interview, and we have posted the top ten questions Mr. Crockford was asked.
We met when you were 1.5, and started dating when you were 2.0. We enjoyed making fun of my clueless ex, Internet Explorer. IE seemed great at the time, but you showed me the error of my ways. IE was selfish and wanted to do everything its own way. You truly believed in collaboration and gratefully accepted suggestions. When you brought Firebug to the party, I became deeply committed to our relationship. Before Firebug I had no idea how difficult my life was, or the abuse of “error on line 0 character 0”; or blank, failed, pages and the silent treatment. You were very up-front with my errors, and kept life spicy with tabs, smart bookmarks, and an Awesome Bar that was truly awesome. Sure you didn’t load pages as fast as the other browsers, but I’m not greedy and the most important thing in my life was never… “cache”. Life was never boring, and at the nearest hint that it was, you would whisper in my ear, “I have a new AddOn…” And boy oh boy, I’ll never forget the first night with that Greasemonkey.
First we had keyboards, then we had a mouse, then we had a stylus, then we had touchscreens. Now… none of the above!
Built by Rapiscan, thanks to help from from a six billion grant from the federal government, this new, simple device uses a completely unobtrusive set of electronic sensors that detects the slightest shift in brain activity and translates it into alphanumeric data.
The futuristic technology is on display in the following image which depicts a high-end developer writing code by only thinking.
EDIT: Due to the insistence and flurry of comment activity, links have been added throughout the post for reference. Thank you so much to all my fans!
<script> "IE6 mode" </script>
This happens to me constantly, but I only design a small part of my work week. I imagine this happens to full time designers enough to drive them mad.
When you send a Photoshop document to another designer, pay some attention to how the layers and groups are named. It’s really hard managing the file of someone else where everything in it is named Layer 2, Layer 2 copy, Layer 2 copy 8, etc., etc. The first thing I generally do is start toggling the visibility of each to figure out which is which and naming things accordingly. But ironically, this has even burned me in the past. The sender actually had the nerve to complain that I wasn’t able to send the file back with changes because it no longer matched his “layer structure”.
And you know, I guess I also disrupted the communication as now we can’t refer to Layers in the file: “Look at Layer 13 copy 12. No, no, the other Layer 13 copy 12 in group 3 copy 6.”
I’m just saying, garbage in, garbage out. Show some professional courtesy before you send that PSD.
We will also do ajax news.