Boiler Plate Response for Recruiters

July 2nd, 2013 by Mike Wilcox

I’m not against recruiters. The job I have now is through a recruiter. I’ve made money recommending people. I’ve worked a with a couple of them over several years. But I get several unsolicited emails a week from recruiters with ridiculous job offers. I decided to author a canned response that was up to par with their salesmanship.

Dear [[recruiter who spammed me]],

I’m very, very excited about the opportunity to work on [[project you did not disclose]] for [[company you didn't disclose]]! You are correct that I am a perfect fit. I have been working with [[random skill: Java, Dojo, Sharepoint]], for many years.

I’ve never worked with you, nor heard of [[generic recruiting firm]], but I believe that you too, are a perfect fit, to represent me in landing this perfect job. As you know by my LinkedIn profile, I have a very good job now, but I do assume this opportunity is better or you wouldn’t have presented it to me.

(if permanent position, or not disclosed)
Considering you are searching the country looking for candidates, I’m sure you wouldn’t be shocked to know that my salary requirements are [[random high number]].

(if temporary position)
I would be glad to quit my full time job to take this temporary position. Of course, to replace my health insurance, 401k, and PTO, my contracting salary requirements are [[double previous random high number]], which I’m sure is what you had in mind.

(if temp to perm)
The try-before-you-buy scenario is great! This puts [[whatever company this is]] in complete control of my fate. After I make a few months of a decent hourly wage, they will offer me a salary below market, which puts me behind the eight ball. I love pool!

I understand this job is in [[a city no where near me]], so I will need to be contacted by a house selling service ASAP. What kind of temporary housing will I be set up with? I’m anxious to see what premium relocation fees are provided for my family of four.

Based on this extraordinary offer, I went ahead and quit my job without notice, so I’m ready! When can I start?

You probably think I replace the code blocks with actual information to personalize the email…

I don’t.

One Response to “Boiler Plate Response for Recruiters”

  1. I’m going to use this… maybe with a couple of modifications:

    Greetings [[recruiter who spammed me]],

    Very, excited I am about the opportunity to work on …